What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Randomize
