I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
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