I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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