I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
