I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
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