It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
