Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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