If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
He better not be in your backpack
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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