My friends, they love my intelligence
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
