Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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