i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
