I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
