allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
