There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Randomize
