So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
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