I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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