Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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