Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
