I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
