we're chasing vodka with high fives
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Randomize
