my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Randomize
