Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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