Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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