It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
