maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
