Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
the condom got lost in my hair
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Randomize
