at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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