Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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