There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize
