p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Randomize
