I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
My ass is underappreciated
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
