remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
