Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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