I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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