i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
