he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Sext me about skeletons
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
