I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Congratulations! We have a period
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
