Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I hope mine doesn't look like that
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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