For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I am available for nakedness
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
