I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
