I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Randomize