Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
I love you.
Bad choice
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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