Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
