No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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