Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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