i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
