Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
