nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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