Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
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