'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
