It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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