I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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