Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
