maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
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