He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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