I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
