Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
