i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize