i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
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