There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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