Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Randomize
