You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
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