this beer tastes like vomit already
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
