It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
