I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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